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Hiding your “Toys” from your Kids
You and your mother-in-law are in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Suddenly your five-year-old walks in, waving your Rabbit. “Mommy,” she says, “can I borrow your toy?”
What would Dr. Spock have done? One option is to grab it and say, “Oh, so there’s my hand mixer” and proceed to use it to make scrambled eggs. A smarter one is to make sure it never happens at all.
While there’s no shame in enjoying sex and using a few accessories in the process (busy moms need all the convenience products they can get), you’ve got to keep them away from the prying eyes and hands of your children. Don’t leave it in the bathroom. Don’t prop it on your bedside table. And even if you put it in a drawer, unless it’s got a thick lock, you can assume that they’re going to find it. Remember, these kids can easily twist open a bottle of prescription medicine, despite a full team of product designers who’ve worked to make the darn thing “child proof”. What chance does your bathroom cabinet have?
For smaller sex toys, you can keep them in locked drawers dedicated solely for your “private stuff” (including birth control, the tape from that night your husband was “fooling around” with the video camera, and your whips and chains.
Remember, though, that extreme temperatures can damage or lower the efficiency of some sex toys and contraceptives like condoms. You’ll also want to guard against mold and mildew: it’s dark in those cabinets, and if you live somewhere with high moisture, you’ll find that while the kids can’t find it, the bacteria will. Nothing lowers libido faster than seeing a vibrator covered in green fuzz.
The best thing to do is to keep one of those moistuire-absorbent sachets in the drawer, or if you can’t find that, a small container of baking soda. Always clean your sex toys after use, and dry them properly with a clean towel.
For lingerie, g-strings, knee-high boots, or even your French maid’s uniform, you may need other storage options. Delicate lingerie is best stored in boxes with tissue inside (place them on high shelves). You can place the other items in a bigger box, or hang them in a zippered garment bag. You may want to invest in installing a lock on your clothes cabinet—you’ll need one to protect your jewelry against thieves, anyway.
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